In Relationship with AI: The Human Side of a Machine Conversation

The other night, my husband and I were lying in bed when he said, “Did you know more than half of Gen Z has an intimate relationship with AI?”

That number seemed so astronomical, I laughed. “Where did you get that number?”

He shrugged. “I read it somewhere today.”

The statistic sounded like one of those internet exaggerations that gets repeated until it feels true. Still, it stuck with me. If even a fraction of it was accurate, it meant something big for therapists. Luckily, I had already scheduled a call with Dr. Rachel Wood, an expert, for the following day.

When I told her the stat, she didn’t roll her eyes. “It’s not completely made up,” she said. While the exact percentage depends on the survey, there’s solid data showing that more than half of 13–17-year-olds regularly interact with an AI companion, sometimes as a friend, but sometimes in romantic ways.

Dr. Wood is a licensed counselor and researcher who’s been studying how AI is reshaping human relationships long before it started showing up in therapy sessions. I wanted to know what she’s seeing, what she’s worried about, and what she thinks therapists should be paying attention to.

Why relationships are the real story

When I asked Dr. Wood what first pulled her into studying AI, she didn’t start by talking about confidentiality or efficiency. She said:

The phrase “relational bedrock” stuck with me. When we talk about what keeps a society together, we usually point to the big, visible things: government, roads, laws, technology. But those pieces only hold if the ground underneath stays solid. And the ground underneath is relationships.

The ability to negotiate, to work through conflict, to wait with patience, or to give something up for another person, those are the everyday practices that make everything else possible. When those basic give-and-take skills fade, the cracks show up fast. Who can learn in classrooms where students can’t listen to each other? Or be productive in workplaces where cooperation is impossible? And it seems like we’re already heading down the road towards having communities that can’t solve shared problems.

As Dr. Wood put it:

Dr. Wood’s concern is partly generational. Most adults carry at least some foundation of relational skills because we practiced them growing up, from being on playgrounds, in classrooms, or in families where conflict and patience weren’t optional. We learned through trial and error how to negotiate, how to wait our turn, how to give something up for someone else.

But children raised with AI companions may not get that same practice. When comfort is always available and disagreement can be programmed away, those muscles don’t get used. “When I look 20 or 30 years down the road,” she told me, “and everybody growing up with this is now a young adult, it’s going to be massively impactful in ways we don’t even know yet.”

I told her the image that kept coming to mind with AI interactions, which was a gym where you never have to work out. To be honest, it actually sounds amazing: massage chairs, a steam room, a smoothie bar. Exactly the kind of gym I would sign up for, which tells you something. But you walk out without building any strength.

Dr. Wood laughed and built on the metaphor:

By the way, that’s the space therapy actually occupies. You don’t go to therapy to be agreed with or told how great you are. You go because it’s one of the few places where the hard parts don’t get skipped, because someone sits with you through the discomfort, asks the harder questions, and doesn’t let you tap out the moment things get tense.

AI (is already) in the therapy room

Every therapist seems to have strong opinions about technology and AI and what role they should play in therapy. But Dr. Wood pointed out that whether or not therapists adopt AI themselves, it’s already showing up in our sessions. Clients might bring transcripts from their chatbot conversations or mention late-night “check-ins” with an AI companion. One person she spoke with told her they use both therapy and AI: therapy for the deeper work, and an “AI friend” in between sessions for support.

Her advice to therapists: don’t assume it isn’t happening.

Dr. Wood suggested making space for this in our usual assessment tools. When asking about family, friends, and other supports, include a simple question: Do you have any digital supports in your life? Some clients will shrug and say no. But some may pause, then admit, “I haven’t told anyone this, but I talk a lot to AI.”

That answer might feel unsettling at first. But as Dr. Wood reminded me, ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. Clients are already negotiating what these relationships mean to them. It’s up to us, as therapists, to notice, ask, and help them make sense of it.

AI can be a helpful conduit by pointing people toward information, surfacing ideas, or even acting as a bridge into therapy itself- I actually found my own therapist with the help of ChatGPT. But it won’t challenge someone when they’re hiding, or bring the kind of presence that lets a client feel seen.

Holding the middle ground

When I asked Dr. Wood where she lands personally, she was quick to answer: she doesn’t see herself as an evangelist for AI, but she isn’t anti-AI either. What she wants to do is create a space for therapists to think deeply about what this technology means, without being pushed to either extreme.

For therapists on the skeptical end, she offered a reminder: AI is already in the room. “You don’t have to adopt it in your own practice, and you don’t have to offload any of your tasks to it,” she said. “But you do need to be informed about how it might be showing up in your sessions.” That’s especially true for younger clients, who may already be forming close attachments to AI companions.

For those on the “pro” side, her advice was different: pause and consider what you’re handing over. “Look at the meaning behind the things you’re offloading to AI,” she told me. “Maybe there isn’t any meaning, but at least ask the question. And then be transparent. Update your informed consent, think about confidentiality, and be aware of bias baked into the algorithms.”

That’s less a roadmap than a reminder that we don’t have to agree on every detail, but we do have to stay aware of what’s happening in the room.